“Help! I’ve Become the Dad I Used to Make Fun Of”

CHELSEA, AL — In a stunning moment of self-awareness, local dad-coach Matt Kincaid confessed this week that he has officially transformed into the baseball dad he once mockingly referred to as “over the top” and “kind of insane.”

“It started small,” said Kincaid, staring blankly into his team’s color-coded snack rotation spreadsheet. “One second you’re signing your kid up for rec ball, the next you’re breaking down spray charts on a group text at 11:47 p.m. while your wife single-handedly gives the baby a bath.”

According to witnesses, Kincaid stayed at the park for nearly 45 minutes after Saturday’s 9U loss, standing in a semicircle of other visored dads, emotionally dissecting every bunt, missed cutoff, and aggressive third base send like it was Game 7 of the NLCS. He then drove home, sat in his truck for ten more minutes, and called the head coach to rehash all of it again, at length.

Kincaid was also seen asking the ump if he “could get a little more consistency on that low outside corner,” a phrase he swore in his twenties he’d only say sarcastically.

“I heard myself say, ‘We just didn’t execute in the middle innings,’” Kincaid admitted. “That’s not a normal thing to say. It’s 9U. They’re still learning how to tie their cleats.”

His wife, Jenna, confirmed that Matt’s Saturday nights now consist of pacing the kitchen while muttering things like, “We had ‘em in the third. We had ‘em,” and yelling “COME ON, BLUE!” with such force during games that toddlers two fields over start crying.

“I’m nervous for hours before every game,” he said. “I’m sweating like it’s a job interview. My hands shake when we’re down one in the fifth. One time when we loaded the bases, I felt so nervous I almost passed out.”

As of press time, Kincaid was in the garage using a dry-erase board to explain defensive alignment shifts to no one in particular while whispering, “We’ve got to trust the process.”