“Vacation” in Lake City: Mom Realizes Baseball Tournament Just Means Doing Laundry in a Different Zip Code

LAKE CITY, FL — Hopes were high as the Randle family loaded up the SUV and headed south for what was optimistically referred to as a “vacation” baseball tournament. But just two days into pool play, mom Tiffany Randle has come to a sobering realization: the only difference between this getaway and her regular life is she’s now doing laundry while sweating through a Days Inn AC unit that only works if you slap it twice.

“We’re in Lake City. There’s no beach. There’s no palm trees. I’m currently washing game pants in a hotel laundry room with complimentary detergent that smells like lemon sadness,” said Tiffany, now on her third load and second emotional breakdown.

Tiffany’s son plays for the 10U Starbursts, a team known for their candy-themed uniforms, explosive dugout energy, and inability to keep a jersey clean for more than four minutes. “I’ve now washed the same pair of white pants four times since Friday. At one point I think the dirt was holding them together,” she said.

“I love my kid,” she added. “But next time he slides headfirst for a single, I’m making him hand-wash these with bar soap and a prayer.”

Despite early talk of “family bonding” and “lifelong memories,” Tiffany has spent most of the trip arguing with the front desk about dryer tokens, spraying down arm sleeves with Febreze, and trying to remember if she packed her last ounce of mental stability.

Her husband, meanwhile, has reportedly referred to this as “the best weekend of the year” and has not once noticed the mountain of laundry forming behind his wife like a polyester Everest.

“It’s not a vacation,” Tiffany concluded. “It’s just my same life, except now it costs $212 a night and I’m doing laundry in a different zip code, while the kids play in the hotel pool.”

At press time, Tiffany was camped out in the dimly lit laundry alcove between the vending machine and the ice bucket station. “The washer made a noise I’ve never heard before. Then it just stopped. I think it gave up. I respect it.”