Family That Has Already Depleted Savings and 401k on Baseball Gear Informed They Need $500 Wooden Bat for This Weekend’s Tournament

Pelham, AL — Already financially underwater from five glove upgrades, six sets of catcher's gear, and a travel schedule that rivals a mid-level touring rock band, the Harrison family was dealt yet another blow this week: their 11-year-old son, Brody, now needs a $500 wood bat for this weekend’s wooden bat tournament.

“I mean… we’ve come this far,” said dad Greg Harrison, visibly twitching while holding a 31-inch Easton Dub that cost more than their refrigerator. “What’s another half-grand? We weren’t really planning to retire anyway.”

The Harrisons, once a modest middle-class family with dreams of college and vacation, now live off concession stand nachos and the hope that Brody “shows well in front of that one JuCo scout that may or may not be there.” Their garage currently contains more baseball equipment than most D1 programs and zero functioning lawnmowers.

“We literally just paid off the last bat,” said mom Tina, while Venmoing $70 to the team mom for tournament dues. “And now it has to be wood? Why? Is he building a cabin with it?”

As of press time, the Harrisons had reactivated their Kohl’s credit card and were considering refinancing their Honda Pilot to cover next month’s tournament in Chattanooga.