Genius: DOGE’s Brilliant Move To Eliminate National Deficit—Start a Travel Ball Company

Elon Musk "Launching" BallStarX

AUSTIN, TX — In a move economists are calling “bold, unhinged, and somehow inevitable,” Elon Musk announced today that he and DOGE are launching an endeavor that will finally solve the U.S. deficit—a national travel baseball conglomerate.

Named BallStarX, the venture promises “elite player development, a crypto-integrated snack bar, and optional SpaceX helmet rentals for catchers.”

“Look,” Musk said during a livestream while wearing a Live Laugh Launch hoodie, “we’ve tried taxes, spending cuts, and cutting billions of dollars of government waste. But none of that touches the revenue power of a desperate dad who thinks his 10-year-old is the next Ohtani.”

Each BallStarX franchise will be coached by a combination of unpaid dads, neural networks, and at least one guy who played a little college ball. Uniforms feature QR codes that, when scanned, launch highlight reels narrated by Morgan Freeman’s AI clone.

Experts say Musk’s plan isn’t without precedent. Perfect Game and USSSA have already laid the blueprint—transforming everyday ballfields into revenue-generating ecosystems powered by $400 bats, $300 “invite-only” showcases, and fourteen brackets to ensure a strong chance for a ring.

“These organizations have proven there’s no ceiling to what suburban parents will spend when told their kid has ‘next-level potential,’” said one analyst. “They’re basically selling hope, but in dri-fit.”

With America’s travel ball economy already resembling a hedge fund in cleats, Musk predicts the multi-trillion-dollar industry will “obliterate” the national deficit in under ten years. “All we need,” he said, “is for every 9U dad in the country to keep mortgaging their weekends and dignity for tournament rings.

As of press time, Musk had tweeted “Your kid is mid. But we’ll take him and make him great. $2,999 per season. #BallStarX.”